


Blue on Black

by TaterBear



Series: Gallavich OST [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Based on a song, Confused Ian Gallagher, I have no idea, Ian Gallagher Loves Mickey Milkovich, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Masturbation, POV Ian Gallagher, this fanfic probably sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:01:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24450250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaterBear/pseuds/TaterBear
Summary: Ian can't figure out why he has feelings for Mickey. Or what those feelings even are. He just knows he shouldn't feel this way. A song makes him think of Mickey. And Mickey makes him think of the song. He's so confused.Takes place in season 1.Part of my Gallavich OST series, but can be read as a stand alone.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher & Mandy Milkovich, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Series: Gallavich OST [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765924
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	Blue on Black

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Blue on Black by Kenny Wayne Shepard.  
> This probably sucks. But I had to get it out of my head.  
> Ian is pretty confused about all this. It makes the way he thinks sound kinda strange.
> 
> You can find me in tumblr @deathdoesntdancealone. I’m not that interesting though, so you might not be too impressed.

_Blue on black_  
_Tears on a river_  
_Push on a shove_  
_It don't mean much_  
_Joker on Jack_  
_Match on a fire_  
_Cold on ice_  
_As a dead man's touch_  
_Whisper on a scream_  
_Doesn't change a thing_  
_Doesn't bring you back_  
_Blue on black_

* * *

Why do I have a crush on Micky Milkovich? Of all the guys in South Side, Mickey fucking Milkovich. Jesus. And after one fuck? Are you fucking kidding me?

Sitting here in the Kash & Grab daydreaming about him like some girl. What the fuck is wrong with me? Kash is talking, but I don't really care. Just nod so he'll go away. He isn't Mickey, so he doesn't matter right now. Fuck I don't need to think like that.

He's starting to catch on that he doesn't matter anymore. Not sure if that's gonna mess with my job. Gotta add money to the squirrel fund. What will happen if I lose my job because I've stopped fucking him? Can't tell Fiona that's why I lost my job. Not like she doesn't screw around, but she wouldn't like it if she knew I had been fucking Kash.

Fuck. Maybe he will just think my distancing is because of Linda's demand that he only sleep with her until she gets pregnant. Maybe by that time, we will both be over our little fling.

Gotta get my mind right. Frank is here. He wants me to give him money. And he wants free beer. Fucking Frank. Linda is here now telling him to leave. She has more balls than Kash. Used to feel sorry for Kash because Linda bossed him around. Now I just think Linda has to be that way because Kash is a pussy. I didn't even notice Kash leave and Linda come in. Jesus. Stop thinking about Mickey.

Give Frank 20 bucks and tell to fuck off to the Alibi. Shouldn't pawn him off on Kev like that, but I don't know what else to do. It's quiet again. Nobody in the store. Linda has left too. Probably to tell Kash that he should be the one to run off Frank. Back to the magazine I was looking at. There is some picture of a lighthouse and a storm at sea. The frothy water is the icy blue of Mickey's eyes. Mickey's eyes...

* * *

Linda is yelling at me. Supposed to close the store 5 minutes ago. Shit. Got lost thinking about Mickey. At least Kash didn't catch me daydreaming with a hard dick. He might think I was thinking abut him. Gotta go home. Need a cold shower. Need to stop thinking about Mickey. Mickey, with his blue eyes and black hair. His pale body black and blue with bruises. His pink lips that he rubs when he's thinking. Can my dick get harder? Dammit. Think about something else. Lip fucking Karen. Lip fucking Karen in my bed. Yeah, that'll kill a boner. Not walking home with a boner.

Breathe. Walk. Clear my mind. Don't think about Mickey. Shit, there he is. With his brothers. Just keep walking. Fuck them. Fuck Mickey. No. Not doing this. Think about algebra. Think about Karen Jackson. Think about Kash fucking Linda. Think about anything but Mickey. My dick softens. Phew. Just get home. Home is safe. Home is...full. Kev and V for dinner. Fucking Frank. Karen. Everybody in the kitchen. Good distraction. Take the frog out of the microwave. Debbie screams. Listen to Fiona yell at Carl about the frog. Distractions...

* * *

Laying in bed. Everyone is asleep. Thinking about Mickey. Thinking about him now won't hurt. Will it? It won't hurt now, but it may hurt in the morning. Guilt. That's what will hurt in the morning. Guilt that I lay in bed at night remembering Mickey. How his skin felt under my hands. How his hair felt in my fingers. How he winced when I found a bruise. Terry. Most people in South Side either hate or fear Terry Milkovich. Some both. He's a horrible man. Don't want to think about Terry. Want to think about Mickey.

Thinking about Mickey. Thinking about that day. How it happened. How did it happen? Don't understand. Mickey? Gay? Beautiful Mickey. And he wants me. Wanted me. It happened. But not again. No second time. I want a second time. Think about that day. Remembering...

* * *

I was so scared, walking into Mickey's room that day. I didn't want Mickey to know that I was scared. And I will deny it to my last breath that I was afraid. We fought. God it was great. Who knew that being thrown around like that would turn me on. Went from being afraid Mickey would kill me for barging in and demanding the gun, to being afraid that Mickey would kill me for the boner he gave me.

Mickey on my chest, arm held back ready to swing. Just knew that was it, I was about to die, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to fuck my killer. That would make psychologist cream their pants. Then Mickey's face changed. He saw the lust in my eyes.Not like I could hide it. I had a death wish. Mickey Milkovich is gonna kill a little South Side faggot. His dad would probably throw him a party.

We're getting naked. What the fuck. Is this happening? He must have killed me already and this is hell. Sweet, sweet hell. My god he's beautiful. Covered in bruises, covered in dirt, covered in lust that matched my own. Fuck. He's so warm. So tight. So much better than Kash. Mickey is acting like he's never done this before, but also like he's done it so many times he knows exactly how he likes this. It's over too fast. Want more. Need more.

“I'll cut your tongue out.” Ok, maybe I don't want more...

* * *

But I do want more. Here in my bed. Want so much more. Think about his pink lips. His pale skin. His blue eyes. His black hair. The bruises. If I had to pick colors to describe Mickey, they would be blue and black.

Wonder if he thinks of me. Thinks of my red hair. My green eyes. My pale skin. My freckles. Wonder if he lays in bed at night remembering how I felt inside him they way I remember how he felt around me. Did he enjoy it as much as I did? Hard again. But at least this time, I don't have to worry about anyone seeing it. Wrap my fingers around myself. Wish it was Mickey I was fucking and not my hand. Oh the things I want to do to him. Things I never thought of doing with Kash. Why would I? Kash was just convenient. Didn't think of that before Mickey, but now I know, that's all it was.

Wonder if Mickey makes noises during sex when he isn't worried about being caught. He was so worried about his family he bit his fist to be quiet. He slapped me when I let out a quiet groan. Is he loud? Does he grunt? Does he moan? Would he moan my name as he came? Does he bite his lip when he comes like he does when he's nervous? Would love to see him lick those lips while I plow into him. What would they look like around my dick? Oh shit, shouldn't have thought of that. Scrunch my eyes as I cum. Damn. Wanted that to last longer. Blue and black. Behind my eyelids. The colors merge until only black remains.

Blue on black...

* * *

Someone had a radio on a school today. Had to get away from the music. Thought of Mickey and ran to the bathroom. They thought I was sick and called Fiona. Told her I was fine. Told her I was just wasn't going to that one class because one of the guys that sits by me kept talking about how he had fucked Mandy to make me jealous, and I just wasn't in the mood to deal with the asshole. Which was true. There was a guy that kept talking about how he fucked Mandy. And I didn't want to deal with him. Couldn't tell her that I had skipped to jack off in the bathroom because I was thinking about Mandy's brother. Fiona is still watching me like a hawk. Like she knows I'm lying. She just doesn't know what I'm lying about.

Gonna take a shower. Tell Fiona that thinking about Mandy with this guy is making me mad and I need to cool off. She won't bug me if she thinks I'm jacking off. Which is not what I'm going to do. Not gonna do it. Keep telling myself that. Not gonna jack off thinking about Mickey. Not, not, not...

Thinking about the lyrics of the song. Blue on black. “Night falls and I'm alone. Skin, yeah chilled me to the bone.” God Mickey. That song makes me think about you. About us. Us. That's a dangerous thought. There will never be us. Just Mickey. Blue on black Mickey. Blue and black Mickey. Blue eyes, black hair Mickey. Shit, I'm coming again in the shower. After I came at school. Dammit. Blue on black behind my eyelids. Shit. Told myself I wasn't going to do that. Twice today. Once last night. Shit, shit, shit.

Used to think about celebrities, and movies and stuff, when I needed to cum, now I only think of Mickey. Justin Timberlake. He was my first. Then that guy from that Harry Potter movie whose name I can never remember. And those Twilight vampires. Even though I think vampires that sparkle is some really gay shit. But I'm gay, so I guess that doesn't matter. They're still sexy though. And pale. Sexy and pale like Mickey. I wonder what Mickey would look like all sparkly with red eyes. Because he would have red eyes, not yellow. And blonde hair... No. I like his blue eyes. His blue eyes and black hair. Blue on black...

* * *

Sitting on my bed. Staring out the window. Wonder what Mickey is doing right now. Really got to stop this. Got a shift at the Kash & Grab this afternoon. Wonder if Fiona will let me go since I had to leave school. Guess I'll and ask. Pull a shirt from my drawer. It's the one I had on that day in Mickey's room. Fucking really? Put it back and grab another. Gotta get dressed. Head into the kitchen to see if my sister is going to let me go to work. This will be a tough decision for her. On one hand, what if I'm sick. On the other hand, we need the money.

“Fi, I'm supposed to work today...”

She looks at me. A frown shows up as she thinks about whether or not to let me go. “How are you feeling?”

“I'm fine Fi. I told you I wasn't sick. I just didn't want to get into a fight today.” Guess she doesn't believe me.

“Ok, Sweetface. If you're fine, you can go to work.” She gives me a half smile. She's still worried and I try not to let her see me roll my eyes. “But if you get to feeling bad, tell Kash and Linda to let you come home.”

“Yeah, ok.” Out the backdoor as I hear Lip and Karen come in the front. Defiantly don't want to be around while they're fucking. Lip is the only one in my family that knows I'm gay. Apparently he thinks that means it's ok for them to fuck with me in the room. Pisses me off. But I know Lip doesn't really understand. If he did, he wouldn't have tried to have Karen give me a blowjob to prove to him I was gay. Whatever. At least being grossed out by my brother keeps me from thinking of Mickey.

Mickey. He's across the street from the store as I walk up. Pretend I didn't notice as I walk in and say hi to Kash. He's looking at me like a love sick puppy. Why did I ever start fucking him? Oh yeah, I was horny and he was willing. Warm place to put my dick. That sounds heartless. Hope no one ever feels that way about me...

* * *

Why is Mickey still standing across the street. It's been hours. Don't look. Don't acknowledge. Breathe. Linda is talking about how she hopes she gets pregnant soon. Please don't let her get pregnant any time soon. As long as she's not pregnant, I don't have to worry about Kash wanting to fuck. When she first caught us, I thought it was the worst thing ever. Now I see it as a blessing in disguise. Never want to fuck Kash again. Not now that I know what it's like to fuck Mickey. Only want to fuck Mickey. No. Can't think that. Can't ever think that. Linda makes a comment about how bad Kash is in bed. Don't laugh. She looks at me when she realizes what she said. Don't laugh. Don't smile. Did she see me smile? Think she did. Now she's trying not to smile. Yeah, she definitely saw me.

Mickey walks in. Looks around. What is he looking for? He sees me, behind the shelves trying not to laugh at what Linda says. He sees Linda. She crosses her arms daring Mickey to steal something. Mickey grabs a Snickers and pays for it. Actually pays for it. Linda is as shocked as I am. He turns and waves at me as he leaves. What the fuck? Linda is looking at me. She saw Mickey wave. 

"What was that about?" She stands with her hands on her hips looking like she knows the answer but wants me to say it. She doesn't know Mickey is gay. She doesn't. She doesn't know I fucked him. She doesn't. She can't no way.

"Maybe he's afraid you'll kick his ass. He knows you wear the pants in your marriage." Don't laugh.

"If I knew he wouldn't kill you for being gay, I would tell him just how much that's true." We're both laughing. She doesn't know. She doesn't know.

Are Linda and I friends now...

* * *

Mickey is on the couch when I walk in with Mandy. No shirt. Fuck, why doesn't he have on a shirt? Mandy walks tells me to sit on the couch as she throws her bag in her room. Sit? Next to Mickey? He's got bruises on his ribs again. Blue on black. Blue eyes. Black hair. Bruises. Never have I thought bruises could be beautiful. They are painful to look at. Wonder who gave them to him. And why. None of my business. But they are beautiful. In a way only Mickey could make beautiful.

He notices me staring. He looks away. Is he mad? Shit, I'm not good at this. No, not mad. Uncomfortable. This is awkward. Mandy comes back and notices me still standing. Staring at the ceiling now. Awkward. She notices Mickey staring into the kitchen. Still awkward.

“Move Assface. You've been here all day. My boyfriend and I wanna sit down.” Mandy shoves Mickey.

“Fuck you, Bitch.” He storms off toward his room. Storm. Blue eyes. Black hair. Boner. “Go fuck your boyfriend in your room, not on the couch.” No more boner.

Mandy rolled her eyes. “Someone's jealous.”

“Jealous of what?” Mickey stomped back into the room. A storm. Blue on Black. His tone makes my dick twitch.

“I'm getting laid and you're not.” Mandy says triumphantly as she plops down on the couch.

Quick look at Mickey. He's smirking at me. That eyebrow raised. Can eyebrow's be sexy? He's looking at the bulge in my pants. Knows it's for him, not his sister. Knows he can get laid whenever he wants. If Mandy only knew that Mickey really is jealous. Of her...


End file.
